America's Got a Little Talent

Tuesday July 6, 2010 @ 09:04 PM
I'm watching America's Got Talent. And let's face facts, America clearly has no talent. It's been outsourced to China.
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GOOOOOALLLL

Sunday June 27, 2010 @ 05:03 PM
Goal?After years and years of soccer fanatics saying that soccer will become popular in the USA, it seems this year might in fact be the year. Why? Because the USA team in the World Cup does not completely suck. Americans have a hard time rooting for teams that continuously lose. There are notable exceptions...the Cubs, the Red Sox (pre 2004). With those teams, their suckiness actually became a novelty. I wish I could be horrible at my job and still have support. However for the most part, we have a difficult time rooting for mediocrity. Ask the 3 Pittsburgh Pirates fans that still show up to the games.

So this is the year soccer is considered a sport in this country. Until we completely suck again. Let's face facts, soccer will lose its popularity soon and only be viewed on Telemundo.
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Please click on the Google Ads on This Page

Monday May 3, 2010 @ 08:00 PM
I need the money Tell your friends to visit this page and lick on whatever Google Ad appears above this blog. I inserted the ads a while back and can't wait to collect my big bucks. Maybe I'll take a vacation to South Westchester County with my earnings. I might be able to afford a foot long at Nathans. Or maybe visit Yankee Stadium and hang out in the parking log (cause I won't make enough to get in). Or maybe I'll just go down the block, order a taco for a dollar, walk back and spend an evening in the bathroom on the toilet. Now that's priceless.
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Ear Infections

Wednesday April 28, 2010 @ 08:07 PM
I just noticed my Google ad had to something to do with ear infections. I get these things a lot. I'm not sure why. Isn't that shit little kids get. I clean my ears thoroughly, but still they always feel wet. What the hell did I do to deserve this?

Sometimes I think it's God's way of saying, 'You're really not that great." Everything is going well in your life, and then God steps in and says 'not so fast hot shot'. Time for an annoying ear infection for you.

Last time I had an ear infection, I bought a bulb irrigation thing from my useless, and nearby Rite Aid. Let me say, those stores are completely useless. Anyway, I bought this thing, came home and pumped it into my ear. It didn't work and I think I further irritated my ear. Thanks, Rite Aid.

Then I went to a doctor where I overpaid for not 1, not 2 but 3 visits. Apparently I had the worst ear infection known to man in my right ear. I'm going to stop now, because I'm getting very angry and I had an otherwise decent day. Let's face facts, I need to contain my anger sometimes.
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Enviro-super hero

Thursday April 22, 2010 @ 08:41 PM
I was told I need to enroll in the company's environment plan. What does that mean? It means I get to pledge that I'll shut my computer off everyday, and shut my monitor off every night, and shut the lights off when I leave the room. I get to save the company like $30 for the year. I'm excited.

I mean after all, why shouldn't I be? Between slashing my benefits and bonus, this extra $30 is the icing on the cake. When I go to sleep at night, I feel good knowing that I contributed to my company saving more money that will be shipped off to the CEO. You know it's getting bad at your company when they require you to 'sign up' and pretend to give a shit about initiatives like this.

I got another environment clean-up idea. How about cutting down ridiculous executive salaries and donating that money to environmental charities? How about reducing stress on overworked employees so they can go home a decent hour and not consume energy at the office? How about finding another way to advertise your environmental initiatives other than big, paper documents? Let's face facts, company environment-saving plans are bullshit.
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Ikea is a synonym for hell

Sunday April 11, 2010 @ 08:36 PM
Only 85 easy steps for assembling your furniture Remember when you were little and enjoyed building with blocks. And do you remember when you became an adult and had shit to do during your day. Suddenly building things really didn't seem appealing anymore.

Enter Ikea, Walmart and every other cheap, build-it-yourself store. Don't get me wrong, I like cheap furniture. But when you know that your purchase will require hours of your time for assembly, it kind of kills the allure of cheapness. Plus, when you're done, you'll still have a crappy piece of furniture. I mean, who doesn't like that crappy, 'wood-like' finish and those plastic bolts that look like the same things you played with when you were a kid.

Oh and if you hate the product and want to return it, good luck hauling that crap back to the store. Let's face facts, if you have to' put it together', it's not furniture...it's a toy.
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Washington loves Fords

Tuesday February 16, 2010 @ 08:34 PM
Some holidays do not deserve promotional sales.Friends, I know businesses have to make sales in order to survive. And traditionally, companies have scheduled promotions around holidays. Well, some holidays do not deserve to be associated with sales.

Take President's Day. Why does every auto commercial at this time of year need to promote a President's Day sale? When I think of Presidents, I usually think of government and the traditional values of greed, lies, and partisanship. I don't think of automobiles. For that matter I don't think of department stores, home repair shops, or supermarkets either. On President's Day, I usually just think of sitting home and doing nothing. I think that's what George Washington would want me to do on this holiday. I think Lincoln would want me to do that too, that is, if he was alive and didn't get shot. George W Bush would want me to do that, because his entire career was basically sitting around. And Obama would want me to relax on my day off because it is a change from my normal work week. And that's change I can believe in.

You know what I can't believe in? That a Ford Focus really will make my life better and not shit out within a year of purchase. Let's face facts, some holidays do not deserve promotions.
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Pop Culture

Tuesday February 9, 2010 @ 08:31 PM
I hate it I don't know why, I just hate it. Now don't get me wrong, I don't hate the first guy that found that song that now is a top 100 hit, or that guy who created the latest dance craze. I hate everyone else who follows the trend-setter. The Tipping Point by Malcolm Gladwell explains the trendsetters. I forgot what he called that group, but they are the ones that create pop culture.

Then there are the other people. The people who are just now using Snoop Dogg terminology at work. The people who are really into that annoying Vanessa Carlton song. The people who go to Chipotle. These people don't have a creative thought in their head. They work at their office jobs and go wild on 'Thirsty Thursdays'. Imagine if these people gave creative thought a chance. If they said, 'Even though some people like that song, I think it sucks and like this rare one better.'

Now excuse me while I go watch the Jersey Shore. Let's face facts, pop culture is horrible.
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I'm an idiot and I'm on TV

Thursday February 4, 2010 @ 08:44 PM
'I was watching the hit MTV show "Jersey Shore". What kind of asshole am I to be watching a show about assholes? I think I need to do some soul searching. Do I like watching people make Italians look like a bunch of greasy, fake buffoons? Or is it that crazy little "Snooki"? Maybe it's just that I've given up on life. I'll let you know after I'm done crying. Let's face facts, I'm an asshole for watching Jersey Shore
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Change we can believe in

Wednesday January 27, 2010 @ 09:18 PM
Let's face facts, I can't believe in this.
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Your News Flash is not a News Flash

Sunday January 24, 2010 @ 07:45 PM
I can watch the news idiot. There's nothing worse than logging on to Facebook, Twitter or one of the millions of other social networking (I have nothing else to do with my life) sites and seeing 'status updates' or 'posts' from friends that reflect events that just happened.

Example:
real life = the Jets just lost a big game
Facebook life = over 20 friends posting things like 'Man, this sucks..Jets lost" or "Jets lose, can't believe it" or "We'll get them next year...". First of all, WHO is going to get them next year? Maybe the Jets will, but you surely won't...

Then there's the comments back from other loser friends..."Don't worry, we'll be back" or "At least we put up a good fight". What are these people talking about? Why do they need to post this and pollute my homepage? Can't they call each other and fantasize that they are members of the Jets team and 'will be back next year'?

I understand the whole thing about people posting things on social networking sites that they deem 'interesting'. But when they become second-rate newscasters to report stories, I get mad and vomit in my mouth a little. Let's face facts, your news-related comment on Facebook is not really a news flash.
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I'm getting back into twitter and i'm concerned

Monday January 11, 2010 @ 08:42 PM
Tweet me Why am I doing this? I'm wasting my time writing a sub-par witty line so other people can read it. It's not really helping anyone and no one really cares. Yet for some reason I am starting to tweet again. Someone please help me. Let's face facts, there is nothing funny about this post or Twitter
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Fireplaces

Thursday January 7, 2010 @ 08:10 PM
I got one, that's great. I don't know what else to do with it. It burns stuff. Sometimes I have fun and get old bills and throw them from across the room into the burning flames. It makes me feel like I have power for 3 seconds of my day. But let's face it, the fires really don't last long.

There is little heat that comes from these things too. I mean in 1850 fireplaces were a necessity. It's how you kept warm. Today they are used at douchey cocktail parties and as a 'show off' part of the house. Your friends that you're not really friendly with likely showed you their fireplace when you first visited them. They proudly showed it off like it was the greatest thing in the world. Sadly they are lame and so are fireplaces. Although I like the yule log. Let's face facts, fireplaces were great before Wyoming became a state.
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Ear Infections

Wednesday January 6, 2010 @ 07:56 PM
What's that, I can't hear you. So I've had this ear infection for a while..and there's not much I can do about it. It's annoying and I can't hear anyone. But then again, do I really want to hear anyone? Throughout the day, there are probably 3 people max that I really want to listen to...although I do miss hearing the TV.

What's really cool is that I only have the infection in one ear so I can turn to one side if I want to hear you, and then turn to the other if I don't.

What's not cool is massive copays. You see my insurance is like Monopoly money. I might as well take out 'baltic ave' or that little top hat playing piece instead of my insurance card when i visit the doctor. After paying a massive copay and then paying for medicine, I'm invited back by the doctor the following week. I'm invited back only to hear that it's still not healed and I'll have to come back again next week too. At this point I feel like I'm slowly being robbed and I question whether my doctor is actually a doctor, but I mean my hearing is important. I need to hear things I think.

My hearing is now coming back, so I guess it's worth one week of pay to the doctor. The only thought I'm left with is...do adults even get ear infections? Isn't that something newborns get? What's wrong with me.Let's face facts, I have an ear infection and now I'm broke
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I need to update this more often

Sunday January 3, 2010 @ 10:02 PM
Let's face facts, in this new year, I need to make a new commitment to facing facts. No more excuses, no more bullshit.
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